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27-Jan-2020 11:29

Well, as a person who doesn't drink alcohol and is largely uninterested in it, I might be a good choice for a recovering alcoholic to date. I'd be cautious, but it wouldn't be an instant rejection either. I have never seen a successful relationship that began when one of the participants was in his or her first year of recovery -- and that includes my old NA sponsor, who married another NA member and had two kids with him before it went to shit.On the other hand, my lack of knowledge about the effects of drunkenness and about handling drunken people might make it a bad idea. I'd want to know how long sober and whether 'classic alcoholic' behaviors are still around. Ones body goes through a lot of changes that first year. I can sum it up quite nicely for you with a personal anecdote: after I gave up drinking wife and I went through a transition period, I was no longer the same man I was when I was active.We lived together for about 5 years before we bought a house together and now he has 16 years sober.I'm sure glad that I took that chance, but I doubt I would have if he hadn't had a few years under his belt when I met him. I was thinking along the lines of six months but the majority so far are saying a year. Seriously, no, it's not necessarily a downcheck, but it's not a good thing either.I'm pretty mild mannered, I'm not going to turn into an asshole, am I? I've been with guys in recovery who have worked to resolve the underlying issues and gotten along well with them.I've also been with ones who hadn't done anything but stop drinking and knew right off the bat that there was no way it was going to go anywhere, because they were still pretty screwed up men. To be fair, I know a lot of people -- men and women -- who ended up divorced over the sober alcoholic's behavior.In fact, I dated a guy when I was still in AA who had no problems cancelling dates with me in order to attend AA or NA events, and who took lengthy "sponsee" phone calls at dinner. I told him to get lost and call me back when he was ready for a relationship with some actual relating.So it's not just the "normal" spouse who has problems.

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There is a lot of selfishness inherent to the process, and more than one person lost their spouse to AA as much as they'd lost them to drinking.

Robin It would be a big black mark and it would take a lot to balance the scales the other way.