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09-Jun-2020 16:31

Can a casual sexual relationship exact an emotional toll?

For sure, people who associate intimacy with commitment are ill-suited to sex that's as meaningful as a summer breeze; for them, the FWB arrangement would be a bad idea.

The next morning (or even that night) come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?

Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.

Is that a deplorably manipulative state of affairs?

Possibly — until you stop to consider how many of us are comfortable with being unpartnered but how few of us are willing to remain untouched.

The top video was Zoosk’s video on “How to text someone you like“, which featured a relationship coach giving helpful tips.

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But then it gets you thinking: You're single, too — what could be so bad about a casual night in bed with someone you like but don't love?Match, despite being a well-known dating site, didn’t post any content at all to its Facebook Page.

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